journal entry #1 (13 oct. 2020)
i miss saying nigga. niggas. my nigga.
i haven’t talked to Black people… my Black New Yorkers… in a hot minute.
these days, i be sounding more like a white-ified Black girl.
i code switch like channels, but all my voices feel like mine.
my baby voice, though, is quite new for me.
i got me a little kitten who needs to feel loved.
i was thinking of naming him jerry, cuz he’s so small.
he a lil mouse, lol.
i wish he understood how lowkey disrespectful that is…
but tom ain’t shit, anyways.
i remixed vaporiza by jidenna and sing Zuzu baby to my kitten to relax him.
his name is Lázuli, after the crystal and his own blue eyes flecked with gold.
Lazu/Zazu/Zuzu for short.
with a beauty mark on his left cheek
just like me.
Zuzu is vocal, too.
he has his own codes.
we are learning to communicate with each other.
through high pitch tones. hide and seek. kisses. slow blinks.
body language.
he is cuddly and calm at times.
playful and aggressive
just like me.
he teaches me to give love and compassion freely.
to be patient and kind at all times.
this is all new.
to love another species.
tolu speaks 